Vacations with kids: an oxymoron?

We just returned from a quick spring break  jaunt to New Orleans, so I need a quick therapeutic Mom rant. Hear me out fellow parents, before you judge me.

Mommy, you're the best for buying us voodoo dolls!!!

It FEELS like the right thing to do. Take your kids with you for a little vacation. We’ll all have fun. We’ll get to spend some quality bonding time together. We’ll make memories that last a lifetime. Right. The reality is this: Prepare yourself for the onslaught of whiney questions. How far away is this place? When are we stopping at McDonald’s because I’m tired of Cajun food? Is it ever going to stop raining?

The answer to all these questions is: Zip it!

Or prepare yourself for whiney proclamations. I’m bored! He’s touching me! I didn’t fart! (Even though we all know it was you.) This city smells weird! (Could be because of all the farting going on.)

Just remind yourself that there WILL be whiney questions/proclamations throughout the vacation, starting from the instant you pull out of your driveway (if not earlier) until you step through your front door. That way you don’t set yourself up for failure, in high hopes that it will be an exciting vacation filled with nothing but happy memories of cooperative kids who think you are the best mom ever for planning this little getaway. I call this your much-needed reality check.

Truth is I’m exhausted. I now need a vacation from my kid vacation. I’m sure after a good night’s sleep, my kid vacation hangover will be a distant memory and I’ll be planning our next family getaway. Ah yes, time really DOES heal wounds.

School daze: “Mommy, I’m tired of being right all the time”

The inmates cuttin' loose at the sanitarium

Shiver me timbers. I shudder to think about how different (or not) the kids must be at school vs. at home. What crazy things do they say or do, that make their teachers roll their eyes and wonder just what kind of insane asylum they go home to every night…Puckett Sanitarium?

What I DO hear, is some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths outside of school hours. Exhibit A.

 

Justin’s thought on the time-honored tradition of giving Valentine’s Cards to everyone in your class, because it’s the right thing to do:

“Valentine’s Day makes me feel weird. I have to give nice cards to people who are nothing but troublemakers.”

Observations about their classmates:

Obviously Justin doesn’t understand the psyche of pre-tween girl. “There’s a girl in my class, and let’s just say she’s not the brightest bulb. Today we were studying about wants and needs, and she put Nail Polish as a need. Uh hello, food, water, shelter!”

A 1st grader who likes to talk to Justin during car pool (poor kid doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into!) told Justin that he speaks nothing but “Wind”. I believe that Justin, too, speaks Wind.

P.E. Class. Apparently the Puckett children have other ideas about the usefulness of what I used to call “gym class”:

Justin on why he brought home so many rocks from school today:  “The P.E. teachers think our basketball court is just a basketball court. Little do they know it’s actually a gem mine.” 

Shelby’s reaction when I praised her for her special P.E. Award for sportsmanship: “Yeah they only give that award to the P.E. Nerds.”

This goes into the Why Do I Even Bother column:

“Justin, I was so proud of you the other day when I walked into your classroom with out of control kids running loose, and you were sitting quietly at your desk reading.” His response “That cloud over there looks like a wall cloud.”

And finally, a bit of morning, getting-ready-for-school drama brought to you by Shelby:

“my socks are too tall” “I hate the wheat crust pizza at school” “these strawberries make my teeth hurt”. 

Ok fine, zip it and get your butt to school. Mommy needs to go buy more wine to go with the whine.